8 Myths About Sex That You Need To Unlearn
Vaginal orgasms are the only real orgasms
You can thank Freud for this one. He claimed that women who didn’t orgasm through penetration alone were “immature”. Studies indicate that only about 15% to 25% of AFAB individuals can reliably achieve an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Most require some kind of external clitoral stimulation in order to reliably reach climax.
STIs are something to be ashamed of
Most people who are sexually active will have an STI in their lifetime. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 1 in 5 people in the U.S. has an STI at any given time. They don’t make you dirty or less-than; they are a disease that you can catch from others, much like strep or the flu.
Uncircumcised penises are unhygienic
As long as someone knows how to shower properly, uncircumcised penises are just as hygienic as circumcised ones. They have a higher chance of trapping oils and dead skin cells under the foreskin, but just paying a bit more attention when washing prevents any buildup or odors. Of course, people will have aesthetic preference and opinions on what might look or feel better (maybe another topic to dive into on the blog), but cleanliness is not dependent on the presence of foreskin.
If you use a vibrator too often, you’ll get addicted to it/lose sensation in your genitals
Sex toys and other devices are not the enemy. You can experience “numbness” after prolonged use of a vibrator on sensitive areas, but this is not something that causes any permanent damage or loss of sensitivity. You can vary intensities and/or patterns if this is something you want to avoid!
Vaginas get “loose” if you have sex too often
This is just simply not how vaginas or skin in general works. During arousal, the vagina stretches and widens. Just because someone has a lot of sex, or a penis or sex toy is large, does not mean the vagina or the vaginal opening will become loose. The muscles of the vagina will relax and then rebound after arousal, just like your mouth does when it eats. That massive bite of a burger didn’t permanently stretch your cheeks, did it?
If you’re aroused, you shouldn’t need lubricant
Just like number 4, another false enemy. People use lube for a wide variety of reasons. Someone may not produce enough lubrication during intimacy due to health or hormonal factors, and even stress. Long sessions also tend to “use up” any natural lubrication, so a little help lets the fun last longer. Lube can make the experience more relaxing and comfortable, making way for increased pleasure.
Sex stops when you get older
It definitely can, but it’s not as common as some may think. It also doesn’t slow down just because of someone’s age. Older people experience more health concerns, hormonal changes, and even the loss of their partner. According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging conducted in 2018, 40% of adults between the ages of 65 and 80 are sexually active!
Abstinence-only education is more effective than sexuality education
Entirely false. Harmfully so, actually. Teaching that the only option is to simply not have sex leaves adolescents and teens at risk of serious harm. Study after study shows that abstinence-only education does not delay when teens have sex, does not prevent STIs or pregnancy, and prevents teens from learning how to keep themselves healthy and safe. It plays into harmful gender stereotypes and fails to teach how to have sex in a safe, consenting manner.
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I could go on for pages and pages about the myths surrounding sex. I’m sure you’ve heard these and so many more. Living in a culture where myths are pedaled as fact can leave you wondering if you’re broken , or somehow “doing sex wrong”. I assure you that isn’t the case, and unlearning these harmful myths takes time and care. Understanding your body, thoughts, pleasures, and desire is an important process to overcome guilt and shame surrounding sex and intimacy. Sex therapy is a great way to explore these ideas with guidance from a professional with specific training on all of these topics and more.